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Follow up

Had a very good night of sleep.  Yesterday night's experiment was
interesting.  I'm glad I still know where to stop though, but after
all it's quite a limiting perspective being at the other side of it
again.  Alcohol narrows your view, and it definitely takes away
awareness of some of the social complexities daily life is fraught
with.

Feeling good today.  Just doodling I'm starting to see that I'm
working too hard.  Not enough play.  Glad some time off is coming up.


EDIT: Starting the 2nd half of that keg; finishing it before it goes
rotten.  I don't feel the initial excitement from yesterday.  Feel
mostly flat.

EDIT: Morning after.  Yesterday seemed different.  It's striking that
the 2nd day it already becomes "normal".  I could definitely feel the
desire for alcohol coming up in the late afternoon.  This stuff is
definitely addictive.

The feeling of flatness continued until I went to bed.  Had some panic
attacks waking up, mostly centered around work stress.  It felt like
that open space I've been feeling lately and also in my afternoon
meditation was completely gone.  Conclusion, which I already knew:
alcohol is OK as long as you can resist drinking too much.  However it
is hard to remember the bad feeling of the downhill if you haven't
experienced it for a while.  The memory of the good uphill part seems
to last a lot longer, taking away the resistance to give in to
indulgement.

Maybe an interesting experiment is to note the effects of caffeine and
make a report of my usual morning experience.



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