[<<][dharma][>>][..]Wed Jan 11 12:48:57 EST 2012
Current affairs: lots and lots of resistance to almost everything.
I remember this feeling from before I started dayly practice. It
feels as "simply disconnected", not wanting to have anything to do
with the real world.
At this time, I feel like that though the writing makes it less
obvious. Cognitively I see that this is indeed something to "push
through". But only after sittin gon the cushion for 10 minutes and
walking away, then remembering that staying on that cushion and
sitting through it is exactly the point.
As for going to sit on the cushion in the first place, I don't know.
Possibly I realized that something was not right and that sitting
would provide the answer.
In my current interpretation this state could be nicely summed up by
the 3 characteristics: seeing everything as undesirable, feeling a
clear duality, and not being aware of the impermanence of this state,
looking for quick fixes that make it go away. So clearly "seeing"
these things but not being "aware" that this is the nature of reality,
and that clinging or pushing doesn't have the intended effect.
So, after writing this I'm going to try again. Circularity being what
it is, writing this down is probably already a displacement activity,
doing something to not have to sit through it...