[<<][dharma][>>][..]Sun Dec 11 14:23:39 EST 2011
Fri + sat evening meditation where uneventful. Much jitteryness.
Much wandering. Much desire for going somewhere else. Desire for
going on a tangent. Desire for floating in content and good feeling
Morning meditation clearly about suffering. Much wandering again.
Then I saw some clear visual flickering. Strobes 5-10 Hz, on-off say
1 second on, 3 seconds off.
After that I had some feeling of insight about separateness and how it
creates suffering, manifested mostly by content (current disagreement
/ misaligned expectation between me and my wife), but also some kind
of fundamental feeling: sadness that this is not necessary.
The rest of the day I had a bit of a backlash. Much "stuff". Current
stuff, past stuff. Feeling of separateness and aggrevation.
- strobes: vibrations? From Daniel's book (paraphrased): many
emotional experiences can be due to suggestion, though the raptures
often are not. maybe this could be an indicator of where I'm at on
the map.. currently I don't know.
- stuff: Ego (illusion of self) bouncing back from the shock of being
seen as a hindrance or even evil?