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Hardcore Dharma

( DISCLAIMER.

  I worried for a while whether I should limit access to this part of
  the website, or at least make it harder to find.

  Some of the information you find here can be considered personal, so
  I leave the choice with you to read it or not.  It's public.  I'm OK
  with it. )


This log is about insight meditation (IM), and is a bit of a contrast
with other logs on this website as it is all about subjective
experience.

Bottom line is that I find it useful.
It fixes some bugs in my emotional makeup.

The message is that focus on perception itself sets in motion a
certain development.  The brain seems to have this tendency to fix
things once it knows what the problem is.  It's possible to make it
"flip over" by just zooming in on things that are stuck.  You can
change your mind (your ideas) about everything on a whim, but can't
"unsee" something.  Insight tends to be permanent.

                              * * *


It all started end of November 2011 with this HN post [3] which
referred the Hamilton Project[6] website and lead me to Daniel
Ingram's videos[4], book "Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha"
[1], and Dharma Overground[5] website.

Daniel's "minimal dogma" approach spoke to me in a very direct way.
My background is in science and engineering and I can very much
appreciate cutting to the essence without too much story.

In case you wonder, I am not religious.  It's a big irony to me that
"dharma" means "truth".

After about 3 months into doing daily IM practice I can say that it is
definitely worth the effort.  It gave me what I was looking for, which
was basically a better handle on stress and anxiety.  Beyond that it
is interesting to say the least.  More like a revelation, really.

In this log I try to follow Daniel's advice and will attempt not to go
(too much) into my "stuff".  There's plenty of it though and I will
just label it as such.

I will also attempt to keep the logging of experiences separate from
their interpretation, which isn't always possible either.  Suggestion
and wishful thinking are always lurking.



[1] http://www.interactivebuddha.com/mctb.shtml
[2] http://delicious.com/doelie/meditation
[3] http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3263767
[4] http://vimeo.com/23539030
[5] http://dharmaoverground.org
[6] http://thehamiltonproject.blogspot.com/



20120419 Integration
20120418 The Watcher
20120416 Snapping out of it
20120410 Back in reobservation?
         The maps
         Equanimity & fallback
20120409 Three Characteristics
         Interesting HP posts
20120408 Reborn into the moment
         Relapse
20120407 Yesterday's sit
         Please, please, distract me!
20120405 Interpretation
20120403 Still sick
20120402 Day after
         Blip
20120327 Procrastionation
         Equanimity?
         Is meditation eliminating looping?
         Kenneth Folk @ buddhist geeks
20120326 Facing noon
         Curiosity
20120325 Daniel on Powers
         Overwhelmed
         Response to Fear of knowing
         More weirdness
20120324 Emotional turbulence
20120322 Fear of knowing
         Good sit
20120316 Taking breaks
20120314 Cold & partial awareness
         The interpreter
         Identifying with intelligence
20120313 Back in Belgium
20120308 Anxiety
20120304 Today
20120303 Follow up
20120302 Observing the effects of alcohol
         On remembering advice
         Can't do it
         Last week
20120225 MCTB
         Shallow
20120222 Lost
         Resentment against concentration
         Strong desire
20120218 Meditation at Work
20120216 Unsatisfactoriness
20120213 Responsibility and Panic [stuff]
20120212 On the path
         Where do I want to go next?
         Challenge
         Morning judgement
20120211 Cycles
         Good days
         The No-Complaining Bracelet
20120207 Good day
20120205 Equanimity
20120204 [stuff] Anxiety, Resentment and Boredom
         Anxiety, deconstructing the feeling
         Loving Kindness & Insight
20120130 Morning meditation
20120126 Accepting pain
20120116 Today's mindfulness at work
         Back on track?
20120115 Noon is the problem
20120111 Knowing fear
         Re-observation?
20120107 Relapse
20120104 Letting go of love
20120102 Pfff
20120101 What has changed? [stuff]
20111231 Very calm
20111230 Strange experience
20111229 Last days
20111225 Feels like something is coming
20111223 Pfff [stuff]
20111220 Yesterday
         Blowout [stuff]
20111217 Background Anxiety
20111216 Frustration
20111215 Fear
20111214 Emptiness
         Resentment [stuff]
20111212 Watching Yuttadhammo
         Interpretation
         Impermanence
20111211 No-self
20111209 Jittery
20111208 Today's practice
         Yesterday's practice
         Noticing neurotic stuff
20111206 Evening meditation
20111205 Focus
20111203 30 mins
20111201 More anxiety
20111130 Anxiety
         Headache flashes
         Noon practice, 20 minutes.
         Waking up, reassembling
20111129 The Three Trainings
20111127 Alan Chapman - Becoming a seeker
20111125 Restarting practice
         Dark Night Yogi
         My practice
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